"Okay lah I'll see you tomorrow"

Who knew I wouldn't see her again T.T

If you follow my Twitter, you'd know that my Boss passed away this morning. It happened so suddenly, I'm still having a hard time to digest this. No, the Boss I'm talking about is not the Lady Boss (or Boss Jahat, as I like to call her), the one who inspired so many hate posts and tweets, but my Head of Department, whom I genuinely liked. And no, I didn't start liking her after her death, I've always liked her because she was unlike any Bosses I know. She truly cared for her staff, and she would fight for you if she thought you deserved to be fighting for. She was also very generous, unlike the Boss Jahat.

What really broke my heart was that, at around 9 o'clock this morning, the management called for a meeting with everyone from my department and the COO (the MD is in New Zealand) said about how sad he was with her passing and in the next breath, he said that he has to think of the continuity of the business and tell the persons in charge to take care of the change of signatory. My Boss passed away at 5am and at 9am, the management has already mentioned about the continuity of the business. Don't you think that was totally insensitive? We haven't even gone to the hospital to pay our last respects.

I know that those issues are inevitable and we have to address them sooner or later, but 4 hours after her death? Can't it not wait until tomorrow? After we got back from the hospital, we received news that the management has already short-listed a few candidates, and that made me cry harder. It's like, I don't know, everything she had done for the company is being compartmentalised and regarded as insignificant.

My Boss sacrificed a lot for this company, ever since she joined us last November. She was always the first to arrive (and she always nagged at me everytime I was late) and the last to leave. She once took leave for a week (even that was during the school holidays) and told us that she hadn't seen her kids for more than a week because she would leave for work before they woke up and she would arrive home after they went to bed. She was too soft, and that allowed people to bully her and she always ended up doing other people's work. She was too stressed but she said she could cope with it and she would push herself harder, until last Monday, when she complained of chest pains. She said the pains were fleeting, and she finally went to do ECG tests when the pains became more and more frequent. And here's the sad part, the doctors (she went to 2 different hospitals) let her go because they couldn't detect anything irregular.

Until this morning....

Like I said, I'm still having a hard time to accept her death. And I've been questioning myself all day whether I'm doing the right thing with my life. If this is the end, then I need to evaluate my life. If this is the end, then I refuse to push myself harder.

I need to know my limits.

RIP Linda, I will miss you. You were one of the best people I know, better than most Muslims I know (thought I should put it out there, since I've heard shits like "Sayang dia bukan Islam" numerous times as if being a non-Muslim negates a person's good deeds. Case in point: Boss Jahat is a Muslim but she's one of the most horrible persons I've ever known, and I've known lots and lots of horrible persons). I would honour your memory by going home earlier than I ever did before. Yeah, she used to nag us about that too. She said, "the later you get out of the office, the unhealthier the work environment would be".

The Boss Jahat had spasms when she heard that.