at 16, Shawn Johnson is an Olympic gold-medalist.

at 13, Daniel Radcliffe made his first million.

at 20, Lily Cole is one of the world's highest-paid supermodels.

at 22, Lindsay Lohan knows that she's a lesbian (well, in case any of you were wondering, that's an accomplishment to me, to know what's your sexuality).

i am 23 years old, and what have i achieve? nothing remarkable, i tell you. i'm still studying, when most of my friends are already working and some of them have started making babies (some of them already have more than a couple of kids). i can show you one or two evidence of my accomplishments in my studies (as if i have much anyway), but that's about it. nothing remarkable, nothing earth-shattering. bland, that's me.

i always wanted to be a part of something big and phenomenal, like

• being a part of the team that found a cure to a medical problem (which is not achievable, since i'm nowhere near a medical student), or
• a part of a special film that comes only once or twice in a decade like No Country for Old Men, or The Dark Knight (lucky Maggie Gyllenhall for being the only woman in the movie) or the greatest epic i've ever seen, The Lord of the Rings trilogy (which is not achievable also, since i'm in Malaysia) or
  
• being a part of a revolution, like in a coup de tat or something, although i might die in the process.

but whatever it is, i want to be a part of it.

all my life i did nothing that can be proud of. i wasted half of my life doing nothing when i should have done something. i spent most of my life being jealous of other people. i always criticized people in their efforts to do something, most recently Hujan (but hey, a bad one needs to be criticised, don't you think?). but then, maybe i should think hard of what i should do with my life.

i'm ashamed with myself.